Late confession
Our reporter Wang Jingjing.
Song Jichao, a retired propaganda cadre in Handan, Hebei, decided to apologize to the teacher for the third time.
At that time, the Red Guards asked him to expose "the dutiful son and grandson of the landlord class" and Guo Kai, a Chinese teacher in junior high school. This young man blurted out three "evidence of guilt", which, in his words, was like "three arrows in the back" that stabbed the teacher. During the criticism, Mr. Guo’s ears were almost torn off.
Over the years, Song Jichao has been looking for an opportunity to apologize to the teacher. For the first time, I didn’t say it on my lips; The second time, I wrote an article for the newspaper and failed to publish it. Now, the teacher has already passed away and Song Jichao has retired, but at the age of 64, he still can’t let it go.
Zhang Hongbing, 59, was also burdened with heavy psychological shackles because of an exposure. During the "Cultural Revolution", he and his father reported his mother’s "reactionary remarks" to military representatives, resulting in her being shot. He kept this secret carefully until he started publishing it on his blog four years ago. In a recent interview with the media, he said that because "there is nowhere to escape if you want to escape, you must face it".
This summer, more than one person will make an apology public. One day in mid-June, Song Jichao received an e-mail, asking him to talk about a piece of news. The hero in the news is Liu Boqin, a 61-year-old Shandong man. He paid for an advertisement in a magazine and publicly apologized to the principals, teachers, classmates and neighbors who were criticized and copied by himself during the Cultural Revolution.
"Seeing this written by Lao Liu, I feel that I have to write one at once!" On a hot noon in Handan, Song Jichao sat on the sofa at home, patting his thigh and said excitedly. Afraid of missing the opportunity again, he replied directly in the email: "I also want to apologize, and I want to say sorry to Guo Kai, the Chinese teacher in junior high school …"
A week later, Wen Qingfu of Hunan, Lu Jiashan of Shandong and Lei Yinglang of Fujian respectively apologized to those who had been hurt during the Cultural Revolution. These old people who have never met each other had irrational choices during the Cultural Revolution. After a long time, now they have made the same choice-apology.
Despite the "Cultural Revolution" environment, personal responsibility for evil cannot be lost.
Exposing the junior high school teacher, even Song Jichao is the wife of a junior high school classmate, is not clear. When chatting with old classmates, everyone will also talk about what happened in those days, which teacher was beaten, or something interesting during the "big series", "all of them can be on the desktop."
However, whenever Miss Guo is mentioned, Song Jichao feels guilty. Some words have been kept in his heart and have been "turned upside down for many times."
In Song Jichao’s impression, Guo Jie, a Chinese teacher, is thin and short, and speaks with a strong accent from a neighboring county, but he is funny in class and is very popular with students. The landlord’s son knew that he was born in a bad family. In order to pursue progress, he wrote the words "Long live Chairman Mao" on paper, made a slide show and projected it on the earthen wall in the village, and climbed the ladder to draw a big slogan one by one.
At that time, Song Jichao often huddled with seven or eight classmates in the teacher’s dormitory to "cook". Guo Jie once spent three weekends telling the story of "sleeping on a salary and tasting courage"; When talking about "knowledge is power", he said that knowledge is not necessarily academic qualifications and diplomas. People with high academic qualifications can only be counselors, but people with low academic qualifications can be leaders. He encourages every student to choose a life path according to his own conditions. Those with poor academic performance can take the initiative to ask to go to the countryside.
These three things became "evidence" for Song Jichao to expose the teacher in the future. Many years later, he repented in his novels and essays, but he never heard them from the teacher and had no chance to publish them.
"Lao Liu is equal to raising a topic." Song Jichao affectionately addressed the strange peer in the distance. "Now that we understand human nature and conscience, we have to look back at how naive we were."
Liu Boqin was the first of these people to publish an apology advertisement in the newspaper. At the beginning of this year, he rarely attended a class reunion. Although so many years have passed, he will still be embarrassed to see the "black five" classmates who were robbed by him.
Southern Metropolis Daily restored some details of the party. "Say a word of conscience, I’m sorry for them. I really want to meet them and apologize to them. " At the dinner table, Liu Boqin said to one of his classmates. A few months later, he published an apology advertisement in Yanhuang Chunqiu magazine. "In the old age, I have to reflect deeply. Although there is a reason for the’ Cultural Revolution’ environment, the personal responsibility for doing evil cannot be lost," he wrote.
This sentence makes Wen Qingfu in Changsha, more than 1000 kilometers away, very touched. In February this year, he also wrote a blog to apologize to his colleagues and teachers who had hurt him, and submitted the article to the editorial department of Happy Old Man. "In fact, my apology has been around for a long time, and the blame of conscience is the main thing." At the age of 67, he said.
Editor Zou Dongfeng has been looking for a suitable publication time. Similar contributions are very rare, and he wants to collect such articles into a theme and arouse more people’s resonance. Liu Boqin’s apology advertisement became an opportunity. He immediately posted a call for papers in the QQ group of readers, and two old people from Shandong and Fujian sent emails.
Zou Dongfeng also wrote an editor’s note for these three articles: "For the Cultural Revolution, an apology may not make up for anything, but the injury may be forgiven. In fact, this apology is not absent in the hearts of the witnesses, but lacks the courage to be open. In this confession we included, this apology is quite heavy! "
Heavy memories began in 1966. One day in November, Song Jichao, an activist of the "Cultural Revolution", was editing the Red Rebel Corps newspaper in a high school classroom when three or four Red Guards suddenly came in.
"Guo Kai is a filial son and grandson of the landlord class. He has been criticized at school. You were his most familiar student. You should know his problems best. I hope you will actively expose them." The red guards said.
"Then let me tell you something." At that time, the gable of high school was covered with posters criticizing the teacher. Song Jichao felt that Guo Kai did have problems. He misinterpreted the three sentences that the teacher said as "crying for Peng Dehuai; Slander the great leader and attack the command of the proletariat; Distort the instructions of the leaders and belittle the revolutionary actions of going to the countryside. " Say that finish, he also pressed the handprint.
"Think about it again and tell us something." The red guards left with satisfaction. Before long, Song Jichao heard that Guo Jie was caught on the platform, with a heavy brand hanging around his neck and his ears bleeding.
"The three things I said were very crucial, which made Teacher Guo suffer." Recalling here, Song Jichao smiled wryly. But at that time, he just thought, "You shouldn’t pull people’s ears."
At that time, Song Jichao’s peers were "revolting". Wen Qingfu posted a big-character poster of the person in charge of the school party branch, and also took people to copy their colleagues’ homes. Liu Boqin and a group of people broke into the "Black Five" classmate’s house, smashed the photo of the classmate’s grandmother, and confiscated 200 yuan’s cash hidden behind the photo frame.
This experience later became a "hurdle" in their hearts.
"Now summing up and reviewing the’ Cultural Revolution’, most of them require the declassification of the upper insider. In fact, it is necessary for the whole people to sum up history and put themselves in it. Why does everyone behave differently in the same environment? " Wen Qingfu said.
It’s like a scar. Do you want to expose it or not?
In 1984, I heard that Guo Kai was admitted to the hospital in Handan because of cerebral thrombosis. Song Jichao, who was already an officer, took an apple and went to see him with several classmates.
As early as ten years ago, Song Jichao had realized that he had "done something wrong". At that time, Song Jichao’s faction failed to seize power, and he left home to become a soldier. In 1971, the troops suddenly entered a state of first-class combat readiness, ready to pack their backpacks at any time and stand guard and patrol at night.
Comrades are guessing what happened, and it was not until after the National Day that the central document was officially conveyed. Lin Biao, the "deputy commander in chief", fled and crashed in Windur Khan, Mongolia.
Song Jichao was so surprised that he couldn’t turn it for a long time. "I feel very boring in my heart. I actively engaged in sports and finally failed. Lin Biao became a traitor and history made a big joke! I woke up. It’s ridiculous. It’s disgusting to think of exposing Miss Guo! I feel very hateful, how can I be so stupid and so fanatical? "
Song Jichao began to want to know about Guo Kai’s recent situation, but he was afraid to go back to his alma mater, so he could only quietly ask his classmates about the teacher. He heard that Mr. Guo had overcome the difficulties and had returned to school to continue teaching. He also heard that Mr. Guo was very weak and suffered from various chronic diseases. He wanted to find an opportunity to explain it to the teacher, and he waited for more than ten years.
In fact, shortly after the end of the "Cultural Revolution", apologies began. An old man who felt guilty and had apologized, but didn’t want his name to appear in the media again and again recalled: "At the beginning, when we said we wanted to take the exam, we went to the teacher to teach us in our spare time. At that time, we apologized,’ Teacher, don’t take it to heart in the past’. I saw a student in our school who was a few years older than me. When I went back to school to see the teacher, I apologized. "
Song Jichao also heard that just after the "Cultural Revolution", a classmate who hit someone in high school went to the teacher’s house to apologize, but the teacher just said coldly, "I don’t need your apology, just go."
"The teacher may think that his character is not good, and apologizing is posturing." Song Jichao analysis, all in a city, some people are afraid of the teacher to find after the account, so take the initiative to apologize, especially included in the "beating, smashing and looting", belonging to the clean-up object, afraid of others reporting, more careful.
Song Jichao said he didn’t hit anyone. But before going to the hospital, he was hesitant to say whether it was good or not. In fact, he has organized the language: "At that time, I just wanted to rebel and lost my head, distorting the facts, going online and talking nonsense."
Can walk into the ward, see lying in bed Guo Jie, the young teacher who used to write poetry, play music and love playing basketball, has become a thin "little old man", Song Jichao just called "Miss Guo", and tears fell.
"Needless to say, the teacher will be the happiest if you can come to see him." Although he is only 50 years old, after a stroke and a fall, Guo Kai has become a little fluent. He looked at Song Jichao, once the most proud student and a little bald, and asked, "How are you in the army? Work hard and continue to write more articles."
At this time, it has been 18 years since they last met.
Sitting next to the hospital bed, looking at Guo Jie’s weakness, Song Jichao felt that he was one of the people who harmed the teacher. But until the teacher was discharged from the hospital, he didn’t say an apology. "The teacher didn’t say this, and the students asked how to treat it. I explained it alone, which was too abrupt. This thing is like a scar. Do you want to expose it or not? When he was hospitalized, no one revealed it, and then there was no chance. "
After returning to the army, raymond Chao wrote a novel based on himself and his teacher, entitled In front of the teacher’s bed, but he never got a chance to publish it. At the end of the story, the hero said, "I hope the teacher will recover soon and live a long and healthy life."
In that world, he still failed to say sorry.
In Penglai, Shandong Province, Lu Jiashan, who just became a postman, also lost this opportunity. Also in 1984, he met his primary school teacher in the street, and the retired teacher pushed his bicycle to sell ice cream to supplement his family. During the "Cultural Revolution", Lu Jiashan exposed the teacher’s corporal punishment of his classmates and swollen the students’ palms with a pointer. After that, he kicked two feet at the teacher.
"At that time, you have to speak. If you don’t speak, you can’t join the Red Xiaobing." On the phone, Lu Jiashan finished with a strong Shandong accent and smiled a little embarrassedly.
Lu Jiashan took out 10 yuan money and wanted to give it to the teacher, but the teacher just didn’t want it. When I mentioned this past, the teacher who was over 60 years old shook his head and said, "I am old, and I don’t remember anything. At that time, you were all teenagers. Who hasn’t got a temper yet?" The key is that now that you are grown up, it is very good to earn money to support your family. "
Lu Jiashan didn’t know what to say. He stepped back two steps and bowed to the teacher.
After more than 40 years, what is the significance of publishing it in many newspapers and online?
Another 18 years later, Song Jichao wrote what he couldn’t say at that time. In 2002, a newspaper held an essay activity, and he wrote "Three Poisonous Arrows for Life" based on his own experience.
At the end of the article, he wrote: "Mr. Guo, I have called to heaven countless times: forgive you, a worthless disciple!" Today, I would like to call to the teacher again: forgive this black sheep! If there is a heaven or an afterlife, I would like to follow you forever! "
At this time, Guo Kai has been dead for more than 8 years. Song Jichao learned the news afterwards. He heard that there were no students to see the teacher off.
Unfortunately, this article was not published in the end. "I always remember this matter. If it was published at that time, I would be a little relieved, and I won’t write it again this time. I want the whole country to know that I have done such a despicable thing. Although there is that big environment, this thing should not be done. "
For those things in the past, WenQingFu already don’t want to mention. In 1995, he drew two big birthday peaches for his old headmaster who posted posters, and went to Yiyang city by car, asking the uncle in the school reception room to hand them over. Although he didn’t get a reply, he felt a little better. A few years later, he went to the United States on a business trip. When he visited the church, he saw many Christians waiting in line to confess, thinking that "confession is a good thing". After returning to China, Wen Qingfu bought a Bible. "Communist party member is an atheist, but it cannot be ruled out that religious belief touches the individual soul," he once told the media.
Over the years, Wen Qingfu likes to read the memoirs of Ba Jin, Hu Shi and Liang Shuming in his later years and has always wanted to write an apology article. "The’ Cultural Revolution’ has been more than 40 years since now. The young people of that year have become old, and the elderly like to recall and reflect." He hopes that his experience can become a fortune for his children and young people.
He still remembers that during the Cultural Revolution, a propaganda worker pulled out a teacher’s tooth with iron tongs. "At that time, there were a lot of spectators, and I didn’t dare to condemn him. Me too. Is this the national character that Lu Xun talked about? I also have, for example, leading people to catch colleagues, but I am not willing to lag behind, keep up with the trend and make a good future. It is not selfish to only care about yourself and others being brutally persecuted. What is this? " He reflected.
In 2009, Wen Qingfu expressed it in words for the first time in his diary: "I became an accomplice in persecuting Mr. Zhang’s family, and now I feel really guilty when I think about it."
"I think, like our public apology, one thing is common, that is, I can’t get through this hurdle, I always feel sorry for others, and I can’t get through it if I don’t say it, and the more I see someone apologizing publicly, I can’t get through it." The old man who didn’t want to be named again said.
But not everyone supports this idea. After Liu Boqin’s apology advertisement was published, his son said to his father in an email: "The advertising fee is very worthwhile. You are a celebrity now." Followed by a wry smile emoji. Some students also asked him, "Why are you fiddling with this?"
On the Internet, I saw a report in The Beijing News that "the lawyer repented of the Cultural Revolution and reported that his mother was shot". Zhang Hongbing’s cousin couldn’t understand this self-disclosure. He sent a short message to his cousin: "I really don’t know: after more than 40 years, what’s the significance of publishing it in many newspapers and online? Personally, I understand that people over the age of 40 will think that it is a big violation, and people under the age of 40 are listening to people’ talking about ancient books’, and what’s more, they will mock us. " Zhang Hongbing’s wife once said to him, "Why talk about the past?"? We didn’t have a good time today. "
But the winter of 1970 was like a recurring nightmare for Zhang Hongbing. On that cold night, at the age of 16, he joined his father to expose his mother Fang Zhongmou’s remarks that "I just want to reverse Liu Shaoqi’s conviction". At the end of the letter of accusation, the teenager at that time wrote: "Down with the current counter-revolutionary Fang Zhongmou! Shoot Fang Zhongmou! "
He still clearly remembers that after the public trial meeting, when his mother was dragged onto the Jiefang brand truck heading for the execution ground, she dropped a black flat-heeled leather shoe on her feet.
After his mother died, Zhang Hongbing suffered from mental depression. When he smashed the Gang of Four, he suspected that it was a military coup and the restoration of capitalism, fearing that he would be arrested as a counter-revolutionary. He didn’t want to communicate with others, even thought about buttoning his clothes, and even thought about committing suicide.
It was not until 1979, when Zhang Zhixin’s deeds were published in the newspaper and the political situation changed, that he realized that he was wrong and began to write a complaint to his mother. When interviewed by the media, he once brought a reporter from a media to his mother’s grave, kneeling on his knees and kowtowing in the dust. "Mom! I brought reporters, and I will tell them your story. "
The purpose of telling the truth is to argue and refute it in the public and take me as a warning.
After the apology article was published in Southern Weekend, Song Jichao felt that the matter could finally come to an end. "Friends who have hurt others, let us apologize and repent, not only for our own peace of mind, but also for facing our descendants and history." At the end of this article, he no longer just wished the teacher good health and asked for forgiveness.
Song Jichao had no chance to hear the teacher’s forgiveness. However, more than a week after Wen Qingfu’s article was published, the son of his colleague Zhang Qiongying sent an email to the editorial department. Zhang Qiongying is 87 years old. After reading the article with Alzheimer’s disease, she just said, "That’s not his fault." She still remembers that Wen Qingfu had been "condescending" and didn’t hand in the mimeographed leaflets he had found.
"Teacher Wen, you can let go of this guilt." Zhang Qiong-ying’s son said in an email, "The’ Cultural Revolution’ has sprung up, and mud and sand are everywhere. Some people are trapped, some people are deceived, some people are incited, and some people have no conscience. We are now mentioning the’ Cultural Revolution’ again, not because of resentment, but for reflection and vigilance. "
In order to buy this newspaper with a reply, Wen Qingfu rode his bike to three newsstands in the sun. He told the xiaoxiang morning herald reporter who came to interview: "I can finally put it down."
On the Weibo, Wen Qingfu also forwarded a commentator’s comment on this matter: "The tolerance of the parties, or even selective forgetting, cannot be an excuse and excuse for individuals to participate in the perpetrators. The wound repair still depends on sincere repentance. A person’s wound repair is like this, and so is a nation’s wound repair. Refusing to repent and apologize is always evasive cover-up and avoidance. For those blind followers and individual perpetrators who are trapped, it seems that they can be’ put down’. As everyone knows, the bad genes precipitated from this are still hidden concerns of society. "
Liu Boqin has won the understanding of his classmates five years ago. He invited his former "Black Five" classmates out for a meal and apologized in person. "We were young and children at that time. Isn’t the big environment like this at that time? " The classmate said to him. Liu Boqin soberly told the reporter who interviewed him: "Including teachers and others, all the people I apologized for said so. But this is the generosity of others. "
Not all apologies have been forgiven. Among these apologists, Zhang Hongbing was the most questioned. On the Internet, some people say that he can only apologize if he committed suicide by cutting his abdomen in front of his mother’s grave. Some people call him a "speculator of the times", and even his peers who have experienced the Cultural Revolution say that his apology is "unforgivable" because he touched the "bottom line of human nature".
Since the beginning of this year, Zhang Hongbing has been interviewed by many media, but some apologists have kept a low profile cautiously after publicly confessing. An old man who did not want to be named euphemistically said that his mistakes could not be confused with Zhang Hongbing’s crimes. "Why do some people beat people, some insist on fighting without fighting, and there are quite a few’ Minstrel’ who are not interested in politics or silently resist? During the’ Cultural Revolution’, it was a great display of all sentient beings. Everyone’s good and evil are exposed. " He said.
For these comments, Zhang Hongbing’s reply is: "I don’t get angry when I see someone scolding me and asking me to die. First, I should be jealous, and second, I take the initiative to’ find jealousy’. The purpose of telling the truth is to argue and refute this in the public and take me as a warning. "
He also admitted that apologies should be treated differently. "However, regardless of the size of the crime, the key depends on whether the apologist is honest and has told the whole truth. Whether I have honestly told the whole truth, and whether my apology can be forgiven by people is not my decision, but can only be proved by history. "
Social reconciliation is "forget" the past, not "forget"
Song Jichao noticed that articles arguing about the "Cultural Revolution" on the Internet began to increase again in the past two years, "as if this hurdle could not be circumvented".
"Apologizing itself is a kind of self-liberation and a reflection on the Cultural Revolution." He said.
In the view of an old man who experienced the Cultural Revolution, this "apology wind" that blew up this summer was related to the reflection on the Cultural Revolution for many years because of the news background, but it was not presented much in the media. A researcher said that a few years ago, it would not have been thought that everyone should repent for the mistakes made during the Cultural Revolution, and this understanding would be so widely endorsed.
After becoming the focus of media attention, both Liu Boqin and Wen Qingfu declined interviews with many media. Liu Boqin believes that apologizing is a very personal act, and Wen Qingfu also said: "I don’t want to be famous for this matter. I should publicize so many victims in the’ Cultural Revolution’. What am I? "
In the view of the old man who didn’t want to be named, some people now portray the apologist as a hero, and he can’t agree. "What a hero, just kidding, this can be a hero? After all, you did a bad thing, but it wasn’t bad to the end. It’s also well-intentioned to be affirmed by others. It is not bad in the end, and it is not bad in the end. " He said.
The people the media are looking for are Zhang Hongbing. After a recent interview with the media, he stayed in his hometown in Anhui to sort out the information. Li Bin, a painter, intends to turn Zhang Hongbing’s story into a comic book. One of the painter’s most famous works is the print "Innocent Revolution, Righteous Rebellion" during the Cultural Revolution, in which the hero holds a radiant little red book in one hand and a brush in the other. There are also comic books "Maple", "Scar" and "Zhang Zhixin" which he participated in and are regarded as masterpieces of "Scar Art".
Zhang Hongbing said that there are people who want to make a documentary for him recently, and there are too many reporters to interview. He answered all the interview questions raised by reporters by email and sent a short message: "This is part of my confession work. Let us work together to bury the’ Cultural Revolution’ era! "
The purpose of apologizing for historical mistakes is not to trace the criminal responsibility of the perpetrators, but to promise in the name of the whole society that we will never make the previous mistakes again-this is a viewpoint put forward by scholar Xu Ben several years ago. He once said in his article that social reconciliation is to "forget" the past, not to "forget" the past.
Taking the Cultural Revolution as an example, Xu Ben said that in today’s China, not only the direct witness bears the responsibility of memory, but also no one can use the lack of direct experience of the Cultural Revolution as an excuse to shirk his responsibility of memory within the group. If you don’t remember, it’s not because the direct memory is gone, but because some people refuse to accept their own division of memory that is separated from generation to generation.
On a summer afternoon in Handan, Song Jichao took a sip of beer in a restaurant near the community. Speaking of the recently released film "Four Days and Nights of Zhou Enlai", he remembered his own exposure experience.
It was in 1961 that Zhou Enlai went to Boyan, Song Jichao’s hometown, to investigate the famine problem. The head teacher of the primary school sent Song Jichao and other class cadres to follow Premier Zhou closely, asking them to listen to what the masses said and write it down.
At that time, even leaves were used by people to satisfy their hunger. Zhou Enlai asked why the trees beside the road had no leaves, and the commune cadres said, "The sheep ate them.". "Sheep can still climb trees?" The Prime Minister asked. The neighbor of Song Jichao’s family who stood by looked at the commune cadres and told the Prime Minister: "His father ate!"
After Zhou Enlai left, those who told the truth were criticized. That night, Song Jichao was called over and confronted with his neighbors. He reported the conversation he heard during the day in detail, without thinking about what harm it would bring to the other party.
"I was a’ good boy’ at that time." He smiled and said.
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